If you don’t like some of your “friends” then get new friends, if they are family and you think you cant get rid of them always remember - you are a product of your own creation and that means that they are also a product of their own creation. This often makes everyone bring their attention to where it is most needed - on themselves.
Its so easy when someone says it like that, an I can tell you from experience I am guilty of keeping friends for over 20 years that just criticized me and always kept me where they needed me to be, and I let them. I needed some friends, so I thought in any relationship there are ups and downs, and this is just one of those things. WRONG. There are wonderful, beautiful angels of friends out there I can assure you. And they are waiting for you to clean out your closet of all the expired friends, enjoy time by yourself and find the real you. The nice you that loves yourself, that loves nature, that can learn to love others. Then by magic they will appear to you. I am a testament to this and I promise you there is a world waiting for you that you could only dream of. Having divine friends that are blessed and grateful to be in your company, because You are one of those divine friends.
“ Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
If you choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship with someone just for comfort or other reasons then you only have yourself to blame for your misery. Just step back and have a think – would they do the same for me? Would they put up with this much crap? Maybe they would, and they are the dynamics of the relationship you both have created with each other. Either shut up and don’t complain about it, or change.
Maybe you both like surrounding yourselves with crap and pain because that is how they relate to relate and identify with each other? Without this pain in their or both of your lives, could you exist or would you not know yourself or each other?
I once treated this patient who came to me with excruciating headaches for the last 20 years. Yes this person had been suffering a 20-year headache. On taking their history I noticed that they didn’t answer any of my questions, they just talked and talked about nothing. I’d ask the question again in a different way and they would ignore me and talk about something else. They bought me a file about 1000 pages long with every specialist and psychiatrist and scan and image that they had been to.
No one could help them and there was no cause for the headaches. I continued to attempt at taking this persons history to no avail. I ended up butting in and asked “are you left or right handed?” they looked at me as if I was a moron and said “right of course” then I said “please take of your shoes and lie on the bed for me to examine you”
On examining the patient I could have thought they were dead as they were not breathing at all – like sleep apnoea but they were awake, and it was amazing that a person that was getting so much verbal diarrhea out was able to continue talking without any oxygen.
Every single muscle in their entire body was tense – not just tight – they were permanently in rigamortus. It was bizarre to experience.
Finally when I examined from the feet all the way to the head I felt what was like additional bone at the base of their skull. Their muscles had become so tight that it felt like bone.
These muscles would have been compressing the vertebral arteries and other vessels supplying the brain with blood. I likened it to putting your foot on a hose that is running. The water is trying to get through but there is a blockage – exactly the same as the blood vessels in their head. The blood was trying to get through with the pathetic amount of oxygen in it but the rock hard muscles were blocking the flow.
So what happens when the hose is blocked and the water cant get through – it comes through in bursts or just backs up and when it does get the chance it rushes out with the force of a fireman’s hose.
The same was occurring with his blood vessels, the lack of blood to his brain not only was giving him a headache but also sporadically as these muscles would release then the blood rush through and result in a greater headache.
As I treated this patient I warned them they would pull up tender the following few days due to this reason.
My advice include icing any painful areas and a group of exercises and stretches to help them breath better, stretch out these chronically contracted muscles and strengthen weaker muscles. I sent them on their way and made a follow up appointment in one week.
The day before their appointment the following week the receptionist was informed that this patient was cancelling because they experienced exactly what I had told them they would – possibly a worsening headache due to increased blood supply and also tenderness in the areas, which I had got moving that had not been moving for years. The patient did not wish to discuss any further treatment and was adamant that I had made their condition worse.
It was evident that this patient had become reliant not only on medication to minimize their pain, but also become psychologically attached to the pain itself.
Without this pain they would have to delve deep into the person that they are, as opposed to the person that they had conditioned themselves to be – a painful person pardon the pun.
I tell you this story to show you that YOU are the person that you have created.
When starting the healing process you may turn into this rabid dog as the body readjusts itself and that the psychological component to ones pain is of great importance. If you stick with it and allow the body to adjust itself naturally through the pain and any feelings that may come up, allow them to come up. Release all you have stored and held onto and I guarantee you will indeed get better.
The Biopsycholsocial model is what it is called.
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Do Yourself A Favour ……………Love Yourself Please………..For We Love You…. …and we have not even met
Disclaimer: The content of this blog is informative only and is my opinion. It does not constitute medical advice. Always consult your GP or medical specialist before changing or coming off any medication.